Useless is NOT my forte

Day 2 – First full day at Orphanage Emmanuel.

About 4 a.m. we heard gun shots. We’d been advised that there are armed guards patrolling the orphanage property at night. They have trouble with the locals climbing the wall to steal things – mostly food. The guards fire warning shots intended to dissuade the potential thief. It’s why there is an 8:30 p.m. curfew. One doesn’t want to be mistaken for a thief.

I actually got up at 5:30. The day begins early – for everyone. By 6 a.m. the kids have been up and done some of their chores. I can see sheets on the line in front of our area drying. They were not there last night.

I am part of the team that will be bringing the Bible story during morning circle to the medium-big boys at 6:30. That’s how the children are grouped – according mostly to age, but also by size. The medium-big boys are roughly 10 – 14, with the occasional small 15 year old mixed in.

We think we are just observing this first morning. We arrived and found 35 sweet little boy faces staring at us with expectancy. They are waiting for us to teach something. Fortunately for our whole team, Kate is our Children’s ministry director, and she had prepared an entire week’s worth of lessons and activities for children of all ages. Also fortunately for our small group that morning, Heather is a kindergarten teacher and well versed in doing things on the fly. So she took over and did a great job! We’ll be better prepared tomorrow. And we’ll bring snacks. What kid doesn’t like a snack?

There was a lot of down time after breakfast as we waited for the parade the children are doing. Today, September 15^th is Honduras’ Independence Day. This a great way to help instill a sense of national pride in these children. Not all children participate – only a select few. The rest are spectators like the staff and volunteers – like us.

As we wait, I am at loose ends – not quite sure what to do with myself. The men working on the project have gone out to get started on it. They’ll come back for the parade. Several of our team members have already gone to paint the faces of some of the girls in the parade. Others seem to know just exactly how to get integrated into the children’s stuff. I feel like a fish out of water and very useless. That’s hard for me and is making me uncomfortable. Feeling useless is not my forte.

The parade is great! There is a drum corps, an honor guard, several different companies of merit scholars and other honor students, a company of toddlers holding banners and a contingent of dancers in traditional costume. They have practiced for this and are proud to be a part of the Independence Day Parade in front of their peers.

Once the parade is over I realized how tired I was. The time change and the activities of the previous week caught up with me. I remember a statement from a study I did a couple of years ago; “The Life You’ve Always Wanted” by John Ortberg. I can’t remember the context exactly, but he said sometimes the most Christian thing we can do is take a nap. So I gave myself permission to do just that and woke up 2 hours later in time for lunch!

They feed us really well here! I had heard that the meals all consisted of hot dogs in some way shape or form. That was concerning because I don’t eat hot dogs. It’s a psychological problem. Thankfully that has not been the case thus far. There are three “big girls” who are assigned to cook for the team.   So far the food has been great.

I realize that I have been given a gift. The gift of white space. This is missing in my life most days as I (like you) manage to stay pretty busy. There isn’t a lot of down time. In my “normal” life I feel guilty when I am not busy doing something productive. I rarely allow myself to just sit and read and be. There is going to be plenty of white space here if I want it. Today, I decided to receive it as the gift it is. There is a gazebo in our team house area so I sat there with my Bible study, Experiencing God, our weekly lessons for the children, and I decided to meditate on our upcoming retreat Scripture, Psalm 1, as it might relate to this week.

“Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers. But his delight is in the law of the LORD, and on his law he meditates day and night. He is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers.” (Psalm 1:1-3)

Our retreat theme is a Sand Dollar Life – living whole in a broken world. Not much in the way of Sand Dollar connection here, and I’m not sure just how this Scripture might apply to Emmanuel. But I sat and asked the Lord to give me new eyes to see and ears to hear. I felt the Lord impressing upon me that the counsel of wickedness, the way of sin and the seat of the mockers represents the broken world. And He’s saying we are to be neither active (walk) or passive (stand, sit) in our engagement of the broken world. I don’t quite understand what that means just yet.

I knew there were ladies working in the bakery making sugar cookies for projects later in the week. I headed out to find them and as I rounded the corner of the Big Girl’s yard area, one young woman called to me; invited me over the fence. She spoke fairly good English – far better than my Spanish! Her name is Pamela and she wanted to walk with me. We must receive permission from the house “mom” to take any of the children out of their area regardless of their age. The young woman I asked was not much older than Pamela. She was on her bed reading College Board material.   That impressed me.

Given permission, Pamela and I set off down the road. I have no idea where we were really going. Just walking. Pamela took my hand; confirming for me that so many of these young people simply crave good touch and attention.

We walked and talked and I learned how old she was and what her favorite subject in school was. She offered to teach me Spanish so we practiced some basic words. I am not a quick study! She found that funny. She seems happy here. I don’t know why she’s here. She didn’t offer that information and I didn’t ask. But she seemed content.

On our way back, Pamela showed me the way to the bakery so I stop in at the cookie baking project to see if they need more help but they don’t. There is one large commercial mixer with flour flying everywhere as it kneads the dough. The oven seems to be a mystery and the first batch of cookies aren’t baking like expected – but there is a system that has been figured out and truly there can be too many cooks in the kitchen!

So instead, I joined the folks headed to the Power Toddlers. This is a group of 3 – 5 year old boys who are VERY active. The Power Toddlers are the boys who either bullied the other toddlers or are really too small in size for the small boys. So they put them all together in one house and they seem to thrive wonderfully! I played with one little boy and his Hulk figurine for about an hour. It was joyfully entertaining to see the teenagers really engaging these boys in physically active play. Little ones would fly by – an airplane! as they were swung by a hand and a foot. Wrestling on the ground with them. There was so much laughter and it was good for the soul. My soul.

The toddlers joined us about 3:45 for ice cream.  There are plans to host each of the houses for ice cream throughout the week.  Thank goodness for hoses!

We had the blessing of having one of the staff members as our guest at dinner tonight and hearing her story. Her testimony. It was beautiful and created in me a longing. Did I mention I’m doing the Experiencing God study? She experienced God. She heard from God. She tells me, if not directly, that I can too – that it’s real. This settled in my heart.

This was a long day. A day of adjustment. But I am thankful for the white space today. Thankful for Pamela and our walk and holding hands. Thankful for the mental picture of flying flour (which I totally wish I HAD a picture of the flying flour!) and the smell of baking cookies and for the Power Toddlers flying through air and Hulk action figures.

Lord, thank you for a new heart.

Love and blessings from Honduras!

Denise